Finding God Everyday

Finding God Everyday 
January 24, 2021

Happy New Year to everyone!

As we begin the new year, as seminarians, we start the year with a silent retreat of varied lengths of days. For college and Pre-Theology, that meant silence from Sunday Night until Thursday Afternoon. Each person on the retreat is asked to make four holy hours a day. There is also a retreat presenter that gives one conference a day. This year we had the privilege of having Fr. Shane Deman, Vocation Director of the Diocese of Sioux City as our presenter. He gave one conference each day about each of the Luminous Mysteries of the Rosary.      

Through our conferences, I was given many things to pray with and to pray through. In my prayer, I was able to realize that I was still holding a grudge against so many people in the closing of my home parish of St. Benedict. Even though it closed three years ago, I was still not over its closing. But I can safely say that after the retreat I am much at peace with the decision. I understand that we are in a tough situation in our Diocese, but that God is in charge and if God is in charge, we will be okay. My heart still breaks when I think about it no longer being there, but I also understand the gift I was given having grown up there. The faith that was instilled in my in St. Benedict was the best thing I could have ever been giving. I still pray daily for the former members of St Benedict. 

Another big revelation I had while on retreat was that I struggle to have an intimate relationship with the Lord, because I struggle with the concept of intimacy in general. This is not due to not being loved as a child or anything like that. I grew up in a loving family and am still supported by that loving family. Through my prayer, God showed me that my fear of intimacy stems from a poor self-identity, which I have had for a long time. I have never had the best opinion of myself, and that has had a very poor effect on my desire for marriage, which I never saw as an issue until I came to seminary and was given the tools necessary to figure it out. Every priest should have a desire for fatherhood, they just display those fatherly characteristics in a different way. Fr. Shane's meditation about the Wedding Feast at Cana allowed me to really realize what the bonds of marriage and the gifts of fatherhood can mean. My continual prayer in all of this is: "Jesus, Let Me Feel Your Love!" 

So needless to say, Retreat was a very powerful experience. I still am unpacking many of the graces that I was given. 

After we got done with retreat, Pre-Theology left the next morning for a four day pilgrimage experience in Wisconsin. We visted various religious sites in Milwaukee and La Crosse. We started the pilgrimage by having Mass at the Shrine of Maximilian Kolbe in Libertyville, Illinois. We also visted Holy Hill in Milwaukee, the Basilica of St. Josaphat , Lakeside Brewery, and also the Shrine of Our Lady of Guadalupe in La Crosse. We ended our trip by visiting the seminarians at St. Francis De Sales Seminary in Milwaukee. They let us celebrate Mass in their Chapel, gave us a tour, and fed us lunch. They were very welcoming and it was pleasure to see their seminary life. 

When we got back from the pilgrimage, we began a week long series of workshops about Art, Evangelization, and Beauty, which we are still  in the midst of. We are learning about the various periods of art history and how the Church benefited and suppoted the arts in each of those periods. We are also discussing how we can use art and beauty to bring people back to faith, which has been very informative and thought provoking. 

Overall, the year is going well and I know I am in the place that God wants me to be. Prayer has stirred up many things these past weeks and I continue to explore all of the things God is giving me. I am forever grateful to all of the people who are praying for me and who have supported me through this time thus far in seminary. I look forward to the ways God is going to help me grow in the coming semester. 

Thanks for reading, God Bless!

Pax et Bonum,

Jake