What Pillar Do You Stand On?

What Pillar Do You Stand On?
October 14, 2020

Many things have happened in the last six weeks of my life. Here is a brief overview:

As many of you probably already know, my grandfather, Jim Rosenmeyer, passed away a few weeks ago. After fightly at two and a half year battle with cancer, God finally decided to call him home. In some ways his passing was easy, and in others it was very hard. We were blessed as a family to have so much time with him that we never expected to have after he was diagnosed. That made his passing easier. I knew I was luckier than most people in my situation. I am grateful that he was taken as his pain was increasing, because no one deserves to live like that. Some days I wake up and still think about calling him or asking Grandma how he is doing, and then I realize that he is gone. 

As I type this during midterms week, and I realize that I am struggling grade wise in one of my classes and a few quizzes have not been so good in others. The old temptations to think I am defined by my grades and my abilities have begun to rear their ugly head. So much of my life has been about academics and success in those academics. Whether in high school, undergrad, teaching, or masters work. I have always been fairly successful. Succes in Academics has been the pillar that has held me up for so much of my life. If seminary has taught me anything, it is that this is the wrong pillar to be standing on. (By pillar, I simply mean a false or untrue belief we hold ourselves to). I should be standing on the pillar of Jesus Christ. He is what matters. An A+ in every class is not what matters. Being a top student with a good GPA is not what matters. After last year, that pillar of Academic success I was standing on gradually began to fall away. And now the last bricks are crumbling and I am falling down with it. How do I avoid falling into chaos and nothingness? A wise friend, in fact many other people around the seminary, have given me the answer I have rejected for so long. Jesus is the pillar I should be standing on and the pillar I should be embracing. So today I am challenging myself to learn to stand on the pillar of Christ. The only pillar that could ever make me happy. 

I also challenge all of you. What pillar are you standing on? Many times we find ourselves standing on pillars that perpetuate a false identity of who we really are. Are you standing on a pillar of Academic Success? Atheltic Prowess? False Pride? Maybe it is a pillar of I, I, I? My point with this is, we all sometimes standing on a pillar that is not who we truly are. Those pillars are shaky and are likely to fall over. They are pillars that represent our weaknesses and faults, the way we want others to see us, or the false image we make of ourselves. My pillars are Academic Success, Anxiety, and the Inability to Say NO. When I am on these three pillars my life goes poorly, because these pillars are not rooted in anything good, true, or beautiful. They are rooted in lies and false beliefs. As much as I try to reject these pillars, sometimes I find myself trying to climb back up them, hoping they will make me happy. All the while, the pillar I should be fighting to stand on is right beside me empty and alone.

Just some food for thought, as I navigate my formation and my prayer life these days. 

May God Bless You and Keep You,

Jake Rosenmeyer
5200 Glennon Drive
St. Louis, MO 63119